Through the Eyes of the Young
by Foxpilot
Summary: Marcus retells his father's adventures with his own little twists. Rated T for Marcus' foul mouth
1. The Corneria Story

**~"Hello world and all who inhabit it. I am known…as Panther Caroso. I salute you."**

**A second, svelte voice speaks from nowhere, "Hey, you stole Panther's line!"**

**The first voice starts yelling, "Quiet you! You're not in this story!" several gunshots are heard before the first voice speaks again.**

"**Great…now I have to clean that up. Good job me." Sarcastic clapping is heard before the voice starts again.**

"**Okay, seriously people. I am not, nor do I want to be that messed up…thing…called Panther. I am really known as 'Foxpilot,' but you may call me 'F-p' or 'Eric' for short. Here, I have brought to you the first part of my first series on . I hope you enjoy. Now, to do everyone's favorite part, I have the ****StarFox 64**** Leon Powalski. Heeeeeereeee's Leon!"**

**A camera pans to a green chameleon head with yellow eyes. When it speaks, the voice is smooth and deep.**

"**Foxpilot does not own any Star Fox licensing. He only owns copies and software of the games. If he did, there would already be a Star Fox Wii and it would be a major hit. Please do not sue him, as he is not a rich person in reality."**** Leon stops for a moment before asking, "What do you mean 'not rich in reality?' You're paying me to do this disclaimer!"**

"**Okay Leon, that's enough. Back to Fortuna/Fichina you go for your first loss."**

"**What? What do you mean?!" Leon begins to disappear. "What?! This can't be happening!"**

"**Okay, this is getting long and Leon's gone. Let it…Begin (my catchphrase!)."**

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"Okay Marcus, play nice now."

"Yes, Dad," the nine-year-old vulpine droned as he rolled his eyes. His yellow shirt and pants vaguely resembled a flight suit, contrasting somewhat with his mostly-blue fur. Marcus ran towards the neighborhood playground, calling to his friends as he moved. Back at the door of the two-story family home, a tan-furred vulpine, easily in his forties, sighed and looked after his son.

"Something wrong, dear?" The feminine voice behind him made the fox start. He whirled around, trying to suppress old combat instinct. Before him was a slightly smaller fox wearing a pink sweater. The most distinctive thing about this creature was not her beautiful voice or her kind eyes, but that she was covered in blue fur, much like Marcus. It was easy to tell where the boy, her son born and raised by her and the tan vulpine before her, got his odd coloration.

"Ah, Krystal, I was just worried about our boy," Fox McCloud, former mercenary and current family man…fox…thing, said as his heart began to calm. "He's getting sassy and adventurous, kind of like…"

Krystal gave him a funny look. "Like you were," the blue vixen asked, half playfully and half understanding. "Don't worry, Fox, he's just growing up. He wants to be just like you one day. You should be proud. Now, help me prepare dinner, alright? It'll take your mind off of this." Krystal, being telepathic, could sense her mate's unease. In truth, she had sensed some rather nasty words in her son's head, but she trusted that Marcus would use them responsibly, or rather, not at all. She did her best to hide her concerns from her husband, for she knew it would make him more uncomfortable.

'That's what I'm afraid of,' thought Fox, but instead smiled and said, "alright dear. It's pot roast tonight, right?"

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Outside, Marcus was talking excitedly with his friends. He had found some old pictures taken of planets after the Lylat Wars and had decided to use them as visual aids to brag about his father's adventures.

"Hey, everyone! I found some pictures and thought you might like to know what the stories behind them are," Marcus exclaimed excitedly, holding up the pictures for his peers to see. The first one was a satellite photo of the Lylat System as a whole. As his friends gathered around, interest apparent on their eager young faces, Marcus began to tell the story.

"It was many years ago," Marcus began, "my Dad had just begun his career as the government's bitch when…"

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The comm screen crackled to life, showing a distressed General Pepper. "We need your help Star Fox! Andross has declared war! He's invaded the Lylat System, and has stolen all of the _Legend of Zelda_ games! Our army alone can't do the job, because it sucks ass! Hurry Star Fox!"

Upon hearing this, the four creatures on the bridge began to run towards the hanger. In the lead was a young vulpine, hardly eighteen years old. This was Fox McCloud as he was over twenty years ago. To his right, nineteen-year-old Falco Lombardi dashed just behind his friend. The blue feathers on the pilot's body made for a strange sight. To Fox's left, an aging black-and-white rabbit ran huffing along. As the eldest member of the team at forty-one, Peppy Hare was often seen as a father figure and all too often gave out advice. Behind Peppy waddled a green froglike creature. This was Slippy Toad, the mechanic of the Star Fox team and an utter idiot outside of his expertise.

The four pilots reached their silver-and-blue craft, the Arwings. These high-performance craft were more temperamental than a sugar addict out of candy, yet smoother-flying than a bag in a gale. Which isn't saying much, but they flew pretty darn well. As the four pilots launched, Fox opened a channel to General Pepper.

On screen, Pepper could be seen making a house of cards. An explosion shook the background and knocked the cards into a pile. "Damn it! I was almost finished!" Pepper exclaimed, taking a puff of a bong signed by Michael Phelps. Pepper then looked at the camera and noticed that it was on. "Umm…YOU SAW NOTHING!!" With that, Pepper cut the transmission, leaving the team rather appalled and confused.

The transmission was reestablished, with Pepper looking suddenly calmer. "It's about time you got here, bitches. You have to save the city on your own while I sit in this comfy office, even though I have my own fight-capable flagship!"

Fox was either oblivious or stupid, because not only did he miss the total outrageousness of the comment, but he responded in a very stupid way. "I'll do my best. Andross won't have his way with me!"

At this, both Falco and Pepper began cackling like idiots. Which, incidentally, they were.

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"That's not how it happened," exclaimed a porcupine. "General Pepper didn't get his flagship until before the Aparoids! And he was out there fighting alongside the troops."

Marcus didn't miss a beat. "That's only what they tell you in the history books to…make the situation seem worse. My information comes from a living source of the battle. Now, do you want to hear the story or not?"

Faced with Marcus' "logic," the porcupine settled down and murmured, "I wanna hear the story."

Marcus grinned inwardly. He had the poor saps right in his paws. "Okay then, where was I…"

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As Star Fox entered Corneria's atmosphere, McCloud gave out his first orders. "Open the wings."

Immediately, Falco contacted Fox. "Hey, there's not enough room in here to open my wings. Are you an idiot?!"

Fox responded patiently, "the wings of your Arwing, Falco. It's the blue button next to the place drink holder." Falco only grunted. Fox then said, "check your G-Diffuser system."

Falco again responded, this time in an annoyed tone, "I'm fine, Mom, thanks."

Peppy and Slippy each ignored Falco's outburst and responded with affirmations of their own. Fox then stated excitedly, "I see 'em up ahead. Let's rock and roll!" Fox then tuned the radio to Corneria 108.5, which played only death metal. As guitars and bass drums freaked out in the background, Fox began engaging the enemies ahead. Falco, Peppy, and Slippy all seemed oblivious to the danger, as Fox was doing all of the work. Soon, Fox had picked up blaster upgrade, which prompted him to yell, "IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAH!!!" (A/N: you had to know that was coming).

Peppy, seeming to finally come to his middle-aged senses, noticed that Slippy had flown ahead and was being chased. "Slippy, get back here!" Then, almost as an afterthought, Peppy yelled, "Slippy, watch out! Boogie up your ass!"

Slippy, not realizing that his "boogie" was an enemy fighter rather than nose-pickings, tried wiping his rear on the seat. Unfortunately, he somehow got stuck in an odd position, which prompted a yell of, "Whoa! Help me!" Fox, thinking that Slippy meant the fighter, rolled his eyes before easily destroying the foe. During this, Slippy had managed to wiggle free without noticing his shields had dropped by 20%. "Yay, I'm free! Thanks Fox, I thought I would be stuck there forever."

"Have you learned anything, Slip," Fox inquired of his friend.

"Yeah, that position is not comfortable. Also, Peppy can see my butt through metal." Fox began to worry for his friend's mental stability.

The team entered a canyon, where Fox once again took charge and defeated enemy invaders. As Fox exited the canyon, Falco muttered, "this is horrible…" Fox began to nod in agreement when Falco yelled, "they destroyed the bread shop! They will diiiiieeeeeee!!!"

Fox was almost ready to tear out his fur by this point and reasoned the best way to let off stress was to kill as many things as possible. And so he did, inadvertently saving a building from collapsing on a laser upgrade in the process. When Fox saw this upgrade, he whooped for joy and collected it, boosting his laser's power further. "IMMA FIRIN MA--," Fox began before being cut off by Peppy.

"You've got an enemy on your tail. Use the brake (press C-down on the yellow plus-pad)!" This confused Fox for a moment, and in his confusion he pulled down on the flight stick. This sent his Arwing into a loop which placed him behind his pursuers. Fox realized he had done good and fired on the targets ahead, destroying the tailgaters, a giant robot, and a random floating disk that shot at him.

Leaving the city, Falco decided to try and be brave. Going after an enemy that he only saw in his head, he yelled out, "I'll take this one. Get the one behind me!" Unfortunately, Falco had underestimated the force that was tailing him. Where Slippy had been foolish enough to get one enemy behind him, Falco's idiocy got him three! Fox tried shooting the fighters, but they had a mystical force called "plot armor" protecting them. Soon Falco realized that he hadn't activated his shield-producing G-Diffusers. Rather than take the blame himself, he did the only rational thing. "Something's wrong with the G-Diffuser!" Embarrassment averted.

This special defense gave Peppy enough time to tell Fox something obvious. "Use the boost to chase (C-left). Ignoring Peppy's idiotic statement, Fox swooped in and saved his friend.

Falco was furious. He had just saved himself from being embarrassed by blaming his shp for his own error, and here Fox had managed to save his feathers before Falco could show off his mad skillz. "I guess I should be thankful, but since I'm not your bitch, I'm not."

Fox could only gap at his partner's ingratitude. He was about to argue when Peppy said the wrds that would go down in history.

"Do a barrel roll!" Peppy then started singing an odd song about barrel rolls. "Barrel roll! Barrel roll! Do a barrel barrel roll…" At this, Fox shut off his communications board and listened to the death metal blaring in his ears as he pounded targets ahead.

Fox then saw some arches rising out of the sea. Making a mistake, he turned on his radio, only to Peppy's odd singing. Ignoring, Peppy's words, Fox prepared to dazzle the audience with extraordinary flying. He flew through one arch, immediately looping just to show off. Fox collided with a large red bomb, which surprisingly, didn't kill him. Emboldened by this sudden immortality, as well as by the ignorance of the fact that he had just gained a powerful weapon, Fox flew through two more arches. He then received the praise he was seeking.

"Pretty smooth flying, Fox," Falco's jealous voice came over the intercom. As Fox glowed with pride, Falco cursed the bastard for stealing his idea. Fox then noticed that Peppy was no longer singing. He took this as a good sign and flew through the rest of the arches, only to be rewarded by Falco's annoying voice commanding him to "follow him" through a waterfall. As Fox prepared to trust his friend, he noticed Peppy was being chased.

Peppy actually managed to save himself this time while crying out, "Try a somersault (down and C-left)!" Fox marveled at Peppy's insight. Maybe if he yelled out his moves, miracles would happen to him, too!

Falco, meanwhile, was preparing for a life-ending collision with a wall behind a torrent of water. At least he would take down that idea-stealing bitch with this duplicitous move. Falco braced himself for the impending explosion…that never happened. To Falco's horror, he had discovered a secret passageway that lead to a hoard of enemies. Falco took this as a sign that he was truly the best and started chasing an opponent. He eventually took down his target, exclaiming, "Gotcha!" As he looked at Fox's Arwing to gloat, the saw an enormous explosion take out about fifteen enemies.

Fox began to celebrate his success. He celebrated by shooting even more! He shot down another wave of enemies and started screeching like some sort of madman. Apparently all of his kills had gone to his head, both corrupting his mind and filling him with pride. Fox felt invincible. To prove it, Fox started slamming his Arwing into the water below.

That's when a rough voice came over the intercom. "Ah…someone wants to play." Fox ignored this, as well as Peppy's warning about an inbound enemy, and continued crashing into the water. Since the collisions were doing nothing to the high-tech craft, Fox saw no reason to celebrate his victory. Then he noticed the large ship in front of him.

Fox managed to realize that the mission had not ended. He stopped bashing against the water as the enemy leader yelled, "Deploy all units! CHARGE!!" He then noticed that Slippy had sent him shield data on the target. Fox's face contorted into a devilish grin. This would be fun.

The enemy opened its left-hand pod and launched two missiles. Fox noticed that the inside of the pod was weak and started firing on it. His finger mashed down on the trigger at twenty times a second. The pod burst, causing the enemy to lean over. The pods on the launcher's right-hand side opened, and Fox quickly destroyed those before they could do any harm. Thinking that the fight was over, Fox looked at the enemy's shield gauge. It was full! Now infuriated, fox fired upon the offending boss in a mad attempt to damage it. He noticed with glee that his shots were working. But somehow, the enemy managed to get out of the way and turn about. Fox noticed guns on this side of the ship.

"GO!" shouted the enemy captain. The guns started firing madly, but Fox was faster. He dodged the shots and destroyed the last of the opponent's shields. As the enemy began to self-destruct, the captain asked, "Who are you guys?"

Fox's confident and slightly crazed answer came over the intercom, scaring every listener because it sounded like a madman about to kill. "We're Star Fox!" With that, the opponent exploded, sending debris into the waters below.

Fox, Falco, and Slippy whooped for joy. They had done it! They had defeated Andross! But Peppy sensed their thoughts and had to ruin the fun with facts. "Guys, we aren't done here. There's an enemy robot heading towards the city. Also, that wasn't Andross. Andross is a monkey."

"How do you know so much about Andross," inquired Fox as Slippy bawled his eyes out.

"I saw him on Venom. He was an ugly monkey bastard. All old and wrinkly."

"Kinda like you, huh?" Falco's snide reply lightened the general mood as they flew towards the enemy. Except for Peppy. He was fuming mad. Literally; you could see smoke coming out of his ears.

Slippy noticed the boss first. "Enemy robot dead ahead."

"Let's kick its ass," exclaimed Falco.

Fox noticed that the robot was in a large field and decided that it was a good time to try…"All-range mode."

The robot's pilot must have recognized Fox's voice from a previous transmission, for he said, "ah, so this is Star Fox? I'm going to crush you!"

Fox decided to fly between the robot's legs to see if it had any robot balls. As he did, he was hit by three strokes of luck, one bad and two good. First, his wing hit the robot's leg. Fortunately, the wing stayed on, allowing Fox to keep his prized lazahs. The other good part is that the leg was cut in half, causing the robot to collapse. It fell on its pack of explosives, which ignited. The pilot's last words were, "my emperor…I've failed you!" Then the robot exploded.

With that, Fox and crew began to return to the Great Fox. Slippy was ecstatic. "You did it! I was worried until I found my medicine in my nose."

Peppy, though slightly creeped out and disgusted, reported next. "You're becoming more like your father. Except for the dying thing and the leaving of an 80,000 credit loan behind." This made Fox angry. How dare the old man rail on his father…his dear, dear father…

Falco broke the awkward silence. "I'm fine. You OK over there, Fox?"

Indeed, Fox was not fine. His feelings had been hurt and when he got back to the Great Fox, he went to cry in his room.

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"And that's how my Dad saved Corneria," exclaimed Marcus proudly. Yeah, you forgot he was in this, didn't you?

Anyway, the animal-people-children around Marcus began to applaud his amazing story. Then, a sweet voice carried over the area.

"Marcus! Time for dinner!" Krystal's voice, for she is in this story, too, was melodious, as she did not know her son was relating amped-up war stories to elementary school children.

"Aw, I gotta go. But meet me here tomorrow and I'll tell you about the Asteroid Belt, 'kay?"

The audience cheered their response as Marcus ran off to what smelled like his parents' famous "Joint-Effort Pot Roast".

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**Whew! I did it! Now to worry until I get reviews. Also, I'm lonely, so if anybody wants to be a friend, just say so!**

**Now, to address a few things real quickly. First, I know it was long. Hopefully I can make the others shorter if you want. Next, I know I put in both endings. That's because I'm aspiring to do ALL of the levels, so I want all of the bosses to go with them. You'll see another example next time. Third…um…I forget third.**

**Fourth and possibly most importantly, I am writing this with the help of YouTube videos because I don't want to leave my game on for hours at a time. So my special thanks to ****darkmario66**** and ****CDiFan237**** for making videos of the Corneria level.**

**I'll see you again whenever I update next. Probably by next Friday or Saturday. I'm kinda lazy, like many authors around here.**

**Keep it alive. Ciao chow (also mine!)!**


	2. The Meteo Story

**"My gosh, I'm SOOOOOOO sorry about that. I didn't realize that all the chapters were the same! Still, if someone had told me sooner in a clear fashion," glares at Graystripe, "I could have fixed it!" Foxpilot face-palms. "Moving on. It's all yours, ya nut."**

**A spotlight shines on the figure, revealing it to be Wolf from Assault. "Foxpilot does not own Star Fox. If he did, it would be more obvious that I'm not gay for Fox…HEY! What's that supposed to mean?!"**

**"Yeah…well, I don't believe that you are, but FoxXWolf is a fairly popular couple, and some of your actions and words from the past two games make it hard to dissuade people from the notion. I blame Nintendo." Foxpilot sighs before continuing. "This is actually kinda annoying. And boring. Let it…Begin."**

**Wolf is indignant. "And stop pairing me with that stinkin' pup!"**

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"Mom, Dad, I'm going outside!" It was a beautiful late-autumn weekend and Marcus couldn't wait to get to the next part of the story. From his room overlooking the playground, he could see his friends playing, but looking up to his room every so often, waiting for their entertainment.

"Okay, dear," came Krystal's voice from up the stairs, "Just remember to wear your jacket! It's getting cold!"

"Yes, Mom," droned Marcus. He went to the closet and pulled out a coat similar to his father's aviator jacket, only lighter and smaller so that it fit the season. Marcus liked the jacket and could hardly wait until he was old enough to wear one that was more…realistic. Come to think of it, even his Mom had one from her time in the Katina Air Guard…

Moving out of his reverie, Marcus donned the jacket and ran outside. In his pocket were several pictures taken by scientists and researchers after the Lylat Wars, like last time. He pulled them out of their hiding spots as he approached his friends.

"Marcus!" The cry came from several voices acting as one as Marcus approached the eager group. He was soon surrounded by excited youths as he made his way to a backless bench (they actually do exist) that would be his platform as he told today's tale.

"Alright, today is the tale of the Asteroid Belt, known also as "Meteo" by the old people. This generated several chuckles from the audience. "Now, the event begins quite shortly after the liberation of Corneria…"

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Fox opened a communications channel to Star Fox's employer to tell him that they were going into the Meteo belt so that they could sneak their way to Fortuna. Or was it Fichina? Fox could never keep the names straight. Immediately, General Pepper picked up. Pepper must have had some sort of insight, because his first words were "Impressive, Star Fox! Now watch out for enemies in the asteroid field."

Fox was surprised, though not to an incredible degree. It was pretty obvious that General Pepper saw everything from his headquarters. After all, how would he know that Star Fox was so impressive without being told? Fox glowed with pride, as well as some fear of Pepper's incredible power, as he said, "I won't let you down, sir." Yeah. You don't let down the Amazing General Pepper and get away with it.

Meanwhile, the _Great Fox_, a massive cruiser made to house starfighters and their pilots in a safe environment, moved cautiously towards the edge of the rock-infested space. The large cannons on the front opened fire with weak beams, just strong enough to destroy rocks in the way of the battleship. Unfortunately, these were also the only weapons on the ship, and they could not swivel to aim in a large amount of directions. As a result, a large rock slammed into one of the great stabilizer wings. While there seemed to be no damage, Fox was less than pleased.

"ROB, you diptwitty droid! Be more careful! We haven't finished paying off the damn thing, and you're already bashing the wings into stuff! Break off and let us handle this!"

ROB didn't seem to take notice of the order. In his place, Slippy decided to comment.

"Things are starting to heat up!" No one ever said that Slippy would say something intelligent.

"Quit dinkin' around Slip," came Peppy's reply. That was even less intelligent, as Slippy was flying straight for once. In fact, it was so amazing that Fox was rendered temporarily speechless. This didn't last long, though.

"We're heading into the asteroids." Fox's calm demeanor was soon shattered by Peppy's next statement.

"Don't shoot the rocks even though they count as kills. They just make baby rocks that don't count!"

Fox whooped with joy in a very Homer Simpson-ish way. "Woohoo! Hazard pay!" With this, Fox began to shoot the large rocks, invariably making Meteo even more treacherous to navigate. Fox watched joyfully out of the corner of his eye as his kill total went up.

"Don't mess up that Arwing!" Peppy just had to ruin the fun with a comment about safety. Fox ignored this and kept blasting until they had cleared the first wave of rocks.

"Aw, is that it? That was hardly any fun." Clearly Fox wanted more hazard pay. He had onl managed to "kill" sixteen rocks. Fox didn't have to wait too long, though as Peppy caused Murphy's Law to activate.

"It's quiet. Too quiet." Suddenly, enemies appeared from behind large, laser-proof asteroids ahead. Peppy fled in terror, screaming out his famous line. "Be careful! It's a trap!" Fox again ignored the hare, as everyone pretty much does, and began blasting away, frying many of enemies. It was only in the middle of this that Peppy yelled another famous phrase. "Use bombs wisely (B button). This fox ignored completely, since he didn't see the need to use a bomb.

As the remaining enemies cleared away, Fox spotted two large snakelike enemies and a robot in the distance. Fox took the liberty to blast these into dead flesh and scrap. The team entered a tunnel, which was odd since asteroids don't usually have tunnels in them. Maybe a giant space slug made it. At the end, random powerups floated in space. Peppy decided to utter a third famous quote. "Try a somersault (down and c-right)." Fox continued to ignore Peppy and went straight for the bomb. After all, what good would flying through random floating rings do?

Immediately, very large asteroids came into the team's path. Slippy pretended to be the first one to notice and said, "here comes a BIG one!"

"That's what she said," Falco laughed over the comm. radio. Fox laughed without turning on his radio, while Slippy joined in out of ignorance. The poor toad, he didn't have a clue. He only wanted to be accepted.

The team flew to the laughter for a few moments before Slippy noticed some asteroids closing on the path of Fox's Arwing. "Whoa! Can you make it?"

Peppy took this time to say his fourth quote. "Use the brake (press the c-down button)! Fox took this opportunity to prove that he was above Peppy's advice and boosted through the gap just as the rocks closed and bounced off each other. There were more rocks closing in up ahead. Peppy's fifth quote came over the intercom. "Use the boost to get through (c-right). Once again, Fox tried in vain to prove he was above Peppy's advice and used the aforementioned brakes instead. The rocks bounced each other out of his path, leaving a clear shot for Fox. Oddly enough, there was a bomb on the other side. Fox collected it and it was magically stored in the Arwing's bomb/hammer space.

Suddenly, a group of four enemies came out of nowhere and got in formation. These enemies started firing at Fox, but closed their impenetrable shells when they stopped. Irritated, Fox fired his new bomb. It turned out that the enemies' shells were not that sturdy, as the bomb destroyed all four. Fox was rewarded by, ironically, a bomb. Fox collected this before realizing that he was being hailed. He answered just as Peppy yelled, "Incoming message from ROB 64!" Fox answered the message and the loyal robot came on the communications monitor.

"Location confirmed. Sending supplies. Also, Slippy sucks. Probability of him being chased again: OVER 9000 percent."

Fox was glad that he was the only one to hear the insult. Last time ROB had insulted Slippy, the droid had become parts in mere seconds. Fox still wasn't sure the mechanical being had been put back together right.

Just as Fox blew apart the box that ROB had randomly sent out into space, he felt the Arwing jolt from laser fire. Five seconds later, Falco yelled "Watch out, Fox!" By this time, Fox had flipped over the enemies, blown them apart, and collected the bomb that had been inside the box ROB had sent him.

Just when everything seemed peaceful, Peppy began yelling again, this time in terror. "They're on me! I'm getting' careless!" Fox blasted the enemies off of Peppy's tail, all the while wondering why the idiotic lapin didn't just "Try a somersault" as he had advised earlier. Fox decided, as he blasted the next several waves of enemies, that if Peppy ever became General somehow, they would all be totally screwed. He was shaken out of his thoughts by Peppy's annoying voice reaching his ears again.

"The enemy's coming from behind." Even as Peppy spoke, enemies spiraled outside of Fox's flight path, essentially making a tunnel. Fox blew the four oddities apart before they could do any real damage. Ahead, another asteroid tunnel showed itself, this one spewing lasers. Upon closer inspection, it proved not to be the asteroid itself, but small stations with gun turrets. Fox let loose another bomb that blew all of the stations into space-garbage. As Fox approached another set of trail-ships, these weaving a sort of net, Falco spoke up.

"I guess it's your turn to be thankful." As Fox squeezed between the holes left by the trail-ships, he noticed Falco blasting free-floating turrets. Since Falco had never been thankful for the earlier save on Corneria, Fox decided to not be thankful out of revenge. Falco didn't seem fazed.

A strange robot came into view and started firing clusters of lasers that spread out in a circular pattern. Fox blasted the mechanism, and a ring popped out. Figuring it would show off his skill, Fox flew through the ring. He noticed that his shields, which had dropped some from the constant laser fire, were slightly repaired. Fox took this to mean that rings made shields, and resolved to fly through as many as possible.

After dispatching another robot, Slippy's ship came into view. It was being chased by three robots similar to the ones Fox had bombed earlier. Slippy showed bravado, saying, "you want a piece of me?!" Fox flew through another ring before attempting to destroy the robots. By this time, Slippy was shrieking, "Ahh, help me!" Fox blew the robots apart, and Slippy seemed to think his piercing cry had caused their destruction. "Take that!" Fox could only shake his head and wonder what caused Slippy to be so damn stupid.

After Fox blew apart a formation of enemy fighters, Falco somehow shot an indestructible asteroid to release a ring. Fox flew through this and replenished his shields a bit as Slippy decided to emulate Peppy. "Hold A to charge your laser."

"I bet that's really fun to yell," came Falco's snide remark. Fox ignored both of them, but then he heard some incredible advice.

"You can also lock on to enemies this way." Peppy's advice had finally found a way to be useful. Fox charged and fired his laser at a group of enemies--.

--And they all were destroyed. Fox was thrilled as he say his kill total rise by larger than normal. Apparently, the charge shot could take out multiple enemies, which netted him extra "kills". "Hell yeah!"

Fox then noticed some rings ahead and decided to prove his flying skill by going through them all while firing charge shots. He undertook this task with relish, ignoring Slippy's yell of, "Yippee, you did it!" Fox noticed he was spinning, and each ring had him spinning faster and faster. Fox had to abandon shooting just to maintain control and fly through the rings. There was only one more to go. Could he do it?

YES! Fox was elated as he just made the last ring. But then he noticed that there was something odd about the space ahead. It was turning into white lines. Fox continued flying, oblivious to his wingmates' screams and ROB's robotic wails of terror at the whole team ripped through the fabric of space and into the weirdest thing Fox had ever seen in his life.

Space had turned into a pulsating mess of blue, green, and yellow light. Ahead, strange asteroids formed the work "GO!" As Fox flew through the strange void, blasting odd enemies, he began to ponder how this had happened. His thoughts were interrupted by more rocks forming the number "64". Fox blasted the center of the rocks, and they all detonated into powerups. Fox took advantage of this and flew through a sectin on composed entirely of bombs. Soon, Fox's bomb reserves were full.

Up next, Fox saw the weirdest asteroids yet. They were rainbow-colored and had weird black designs on them that made them look like relics from an alien civilization. Fox blasted as many as he could, hoping to increase his hazard pay like he did at the start of the mission. These asteroids didn't break into smaller parts, but his kill total did increase.

Fox continued to blast his way through the waves of enemies and asteroids until he reached another large rock field. These asteroids dropped powerups, including bombs. Fox decided that this was a good time to "use bombs wisely" and fired several into the cluster, picking up one bomb for each explosive he used.

Soon after the rock field ended, space reverted to normal. In the distance, a nebula shaped like a "y" was visible. More immediate, though was the large battleship that blocked their path.

"I cannot allow you to go any further," stated a calm, cool voice. The captain of the ship ahead was a monkey who was very full of himself and may have been the distant cousin of someone else we know…

Slippy sent the shield data to Fox, who noticed that there was a glowing yellow triangle on the right side of the back of the enemy. Fox had learned from many years of video games that shooting glowing things was good when attacking bad guys, so he fired upon that. It exploded, only to have a large armored plate on the back of the ship rotate to reveal another glowing triangle. Fox fired upon this one as well, and was congratulated by Peppy when it was destroyed. The armor plate rotated again, revealing a third triangle. Fox fired, but missed a few times, causing the armor plate to mysteriously glow.

The third triangle was destroyed, and the captain feigned being impressed. "You're more cunning than I thought. Fox continued to fire on the strange ship, hoping to cause some real damage. After several more hits, the armor plate did the most improbable thing.

It fired back. "That shield is absorbing the laser!" Peppy's advice came too late, but Fox managed to dodge the powerful beams. Finally, the fourth triangle was revealed. Fox blasted this into space junk, and the shield came off.

"I've underestimated you," came the arrogant chimp's reply to the event as Fox dodged the flying plate by flying through a large chip in the armor. "How about this?" As the chimp spoke, a large energy built up in the center of the center of the enemy starship. Lightning then lanced out at Fox, who managed to avoid the powerful charge. Fox noticed another glowing spot in the center, where the electricity gathered. Fox shot at this, blowing it up at length. After one more round of lightning, the monkey in charge of the ship came on the air, disappointment filling his voice.

"I'm no match for you. I admit defeat." Fox was suspicious, as his kill total didn't rise at the chimp's statement. As the battleship flipped over, Falco expressed Fox's doubts.

"Are you going to listen to that dumbass?" This was met by laughter on the enemy's side.

"You're not as stupid as you look!" From the odd drill-like structures on the wings of the craft, laser rings flew at Fox's ship. He managed to avoid them, and noticed still more glowing spots.

'_Wow, whoever designed this must really not like the pilot_,' thought Fox as he proceeded to blast the obvious weak spots. After dodging more lasers and destroying the two weak points, the enemy began to self-destruct.

"I can't believe I lost to this c--!!" The battleship exploded before the captain could finish his curse.

"And that's why you don't call my friends stupid looking," said Fox with finality. Falco blew a snort at this, while Slippy clapped and Peppy cheered.

As the Great Fox came up beside the group, with ROB weeping at the helm over his lost robot friends, Fox called for for his team to check in. After this was completed, Fox hailed Pepper on Corneria to tell him of the victory.

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"Marcus! It's getting late! Time to come inside!"

"Okay, Dad," replied the creature in question. He turned to his friends to give one final lesson. "Now remember, when faced with a really big battleship, always aim for the bright, glowy spot. Next time, it's the saga of Sector Y." With that, Marcus ran off to his house.

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**"Finally done! And you wonder where these kids learn that foul language? When your kids say their first filthy word, blame the shifty kid on the playground.**

**"Now, since I made up the 'space slug' joke on the spot, I have to put this in now. I also don't owns Star Wars, even though it is an awesome series. Also, my thanks to 'concordat' from YouTube for the great videos. I tried and will keep trying not to steal jokes. Also, I am aware that the Michael Phelps joke from last chapter is old news by now. I just needed a joke and it was available.**

**"Have a good…something everyone, and remember to review this time. If not, you will be destroyed by the ghost of the Rock Crusher in your sleep. Ok, maybe not. But that's a pretty good threat, right? Ciao chow, everyone!"**


	3. The Sector Y story

**"Once again, my apologies about the mistakes hopefully they're better after this. Thanks to LxZrulez for telling me in a clear fashion about this.**

** "Next, 'thanks' to my reviewer, who reviewed twice in reverse order of the chapters. And said the same thing in both. Good job, I applaud you, _not_. However, it is the only feedback I've gotten, so I'll take some of your advice: less Marcus, more Fox. But, if you can't tell that one of the points of this is that it parodies Star Fox 64, you are truly an idiot.**

**"So here is my challenge to you, Graystripe. Join FF dot com and write your own story in contrast to mine. That's right, I'm calling you out! If you think it's bad, write something better to prove that you can justify your critique! Join under the name you reviewed as; it isn't taken. Prove me bad by making something better. I'll read it, and if it is better, I will publicly admit it and use this story as an ad. If you do not live up to this challenge or the standards of the community, you will lose any credibility and I will laugh at your level of pathetic suckiness. So, Graystripe, my challenge is set. Do you accept, or will you surrender your standing as a "reliable" reviewer? The choice is yours, but remember, the longer you wait, the more I laugh. You have as long as you need, but not more than necessary. Good luck.**

**"And with that out of the way, I do not own Star Fox, as usual. Let it…Begin!"**

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There was no time to rest; rest is for those who are not the government's bitches. And our heroes were certainly bitches for Corneria. They barely had time to repair their Arwings before General Pepper hailed them.

"Fox, we're under attack! Help us out here!" Yeah…help how? Fox, being on the underpaid wages of Corneria, was forced to investigate.

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A Cornerian battleship traded fire with four green monkey-mechs. It destroyed one before the Stormtrooper Effect came into play. The three smaller, not particularly agile androids didn't even have to dodge the fire, as the gunners seemed to have decided to take a mass coffee break. This break was spent the last they would have; ten seconds later, the Cornerian ship exploded in a generic bright flash that is seen any time a large object explodes, ever.

The mechs turned around, ready to go home and receive praise from their mecha-wives for killing living beings, when they noticed that starfighters were approaching. The three green machines fired, but missed every shot because they can't actually hit anything smaller than a barn. Before the inbound fighters were within firing range, the mechs turned and fled, which was odd since they were in space and the forces of inertia and gravity were being defied incredibly.

Fox could only come to the conclusion that they were magic monkeys, since they did the impossible. As the mechs scattered and fled, the team entered a fleet of blocky ships that made up the Cornerian fleet. "Let's back up the squadron."

"Eh, Fox? What squadron? The Cornerian army hasn't had a space-worthy squadron since Einstein crossed the Nevada." Peppy's rambling got the better of Fox, who responded defensively.

"I just wanted to say something cool, and 'squadron' sounds better than 'fleet.'" Once again, logic overcomes all.

Ahead, the mechs had regrouped and begun to fire at the four ships. They still sucked at shooting, and were only saved from death by the large shields that they carried. Fox took these shields as further proof of the monkeys' "magic" powers. It seemed they would have to resort to heavy artillery.

Fox used charge shots to dispatch a couple of the green giants. Meanwhile, Falco made an observation. "Someone's gonna pay for all this."

"That would be the Venom army once we kick Andross' ass," stated fox as he blew apart a squadron of fighters.

Fox did his best to blast all of the mechs and fighters as the team flew towards the Venom fleet, but a number of the machines slipped by. No doubt they would eradicate the pathetic remains of the Cornerian fleet. But there was no time to turn back. It was then that Peppy's sage advice came. "Don't let any of 'em through!" A little late for that.

The team passed over a Cornerian frigate that was still battle-worthy. They then came across two blue mechs and a wrecked battleship. 'These magic monkeys must die,' Fox thought.

"Something's wrong. I don't see anything." Slippy decided to inject his first line in the battle at this point, even though there were two enemies to destroy and a disabled hunk of metal to loot…I mean, a Cornerian ship to pass over and not care about. Yeah, that's it.

Fox blew apart another magic monkey as they cleared the decimated frigate. Ahead, enemy missles flew harmlessly beneath the Arwing formation. Try as he might, Fox couldn't blast any of them. As they came across two functional Cornerian ships, energy bombs rained down. The smaller battle frigate was crippled, listing greatly to the starboard bow. That's the front-right for those who don't know military. Peppy took in the obvious yet again. "Surprise attack coming from above!"

Fox blasted the incoming swarm in an attempt to avenge the lost frigate, but it was for naught. Many enemies passed through his screen of fire to join their friends in slaughtering the remnants of the Cornerian fleet. Once again, there was no time to care as a battleship ahead launched more fighters. Fox thought quickly and fired a bomb into the throng. This time, all of the foes were destroyed. Score one for WMDs! No wonder everyone wants them.

The battleship somehow fired energy spheres at Fox, but they all missed because Venom pilots suck almost as bad as Cornerian Army pilots. Seeing that he could choose to go up or down, Fox chose to go up above the large cruiser. The result was Fox feeling like he was running the Death Star trench. "Falco, get clear, you're no use to me back there!"

Falco expressed his distaste in typical Falco manner. "Oh, yeah? Well, Fox, you're supposed to destroy them all." Fox ignored this as he was faced with enemy units coming his way.

"Inbound fighters at ten-thirteen. I'm engaging." Everyone listening to the channel face-palmed at Fox's horrible reference to a classic series. Fox ignored the multiple loud slaps and proceeded to blast the fighters in his way, clearing the "trench" of foes. Peppy managed to forget his embarrassment and showed that he was impressed.

"Good job! Keep up the pace!" Once again, Peppy was ignored by the young hooligans having their little space battle. Damn kids, always ignoring those older than them and blowing themselves up while listening to rock music.

As the four Arwings converged on the front lines of the Venom fleet, turrets on the enemy battleships began to fire. Fox rolled and returned the gesture, glad that the magic moneys had disappeared. The domed guns proved inaccurate and easy to destroy and Fox blew a large number of them apart, rendering the afflicted cruisers nearly defenseless.

"The enemy's coming from behind." Fox did a loop as soon as Peppy's advice reached his ears. The move was too early, though, and left the Arwing open to fire from its blind spot. Fox rolled as fast as his Arwing would let him.

'One day, I hope that they let us do barrel rolls for, like, three or four seconds straight,' though the vulpine as his boost meter reached full. His second loop tricked the enemy again and left him in a position for an offensive. Fox used charge shots on two pairs of fighters before finishing the fifth with a storm of laser shots. "Yeah! Screw you, bitchuz!"

The crew reached the next line of Venom frigates. Above these ships, squadrons of fighters flew. Fox took a number of fighters with charge shots while avoiding incoming missiles. The Venom missile launchers were getting better…or maybe just lucky. Probably lucky.

Fox flew through some well-timed rings to refresh the shields he'd lost from the dead bastards from before. As he cleared the oddly placed Cornerian ship, he found that it was being assailed by a Venomian cruiser. Fox took out the turrets before looking ahead to see his worst fear.

Magic monkeys. Two were defending the next frigate. It seemed that Fox could go either up or down. 'I went up last time, might as well go down.' Fox ignored his fear and blew up the lower magic monkey. Too bad the path he had chosen was down. Above was the King of the magic monkeys, whose death would have crippled the morale of the entire Venom fleet. The king, who had been waiting for Star Fox in ambush, finally got bored and warped to Venom using magic technology thingies. This happened just before Falco decided to claim any kills Fox had missed.

"I've got everything above." Falco then flew up and did stuff that was awesome that will never be recorded because nobody can trust Falco's word and we can't go back in time. Meanwhile, Fox flew down under the belly of the random ship and saw…

"MAGIC MONKEYS!!!!!" Fox was filled with fear and rage. Why didn't the monkeys leave him alone? WHY?! Fox blew apart the two "magic" mechs before sighting a swarm of them ahead. This just pissed Fox off. "DIE YOU LITTLE WOMP RATS!" A bomb quickly took care of the bastards. Fox breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, nothing would stand in his way of world domina—I mean, saving the fleet. Yeah, the second one.

That is, except for the battle ships and mechs ahead. Fox grumbled several curses that I would rather not repeat and shot them all to bloody Hell, even though Hell probably isn't a concept in Lylat. After all, they aren't Christian, right?

In the middle of the fighting, Fox saw an Arwing dip down beneath two frigates. The Arwing only fired a single green laser, where Fox's lasers were still a light blue from the laser upgrades. 'I have to get some powerups for the team.'

At the end of the row of enemy mechanical genius, a single red magic monkey flew from side to side. Peppy, who happened to be in the Arwing Fox had seen a moment ago, was quick to offer obvious advice, or "obvice." "He's quick! Be careful." Fox tried to blast the annoying bugger, but the thing ran off to go blow yp some bigger stuff that was easier to hit than an Arwing. Probably some planet full of annoying dinosaur creatures, which would then inspire General Pepper to ban guns from the planet while he was high on something sometime in the future.

Fox came up on a situation similar to one he had faced before: two magic monkeys guarding a Venom battleship, whose profile split the horizon into "upper path" and "lower path." 'This time, I'll go up.' Fox shot the mech directly in his way and flew up. This was a mistake, because if he had gone down, he would have come across a spa full of naked chicks that were all waiting for a big strong hero to "bathe" with them. Fox has the worst decision making skills.

Fox came across a swarm of enemies. Using bombs wisely, he launched one of the red pentadecagons at the cloud, blowing the hell out of many of them. Oh, by the way, if you don't believe me about the number of sides, which is fifteen, you can find a picture and count the sides yourself. If you want.

Fox approached a veritable ship graveyard, full of broken warships that would never fight again. As he did, the resident geek decided to get in on the fight. "Ah ha! Thought you could hide from me, eh?" Fox ignored Slippy being, well, Slippy and knocked out a group of fighters with a charge shot. Slippy then decided to taunt the enemy again. "Escaping? I don't think so!" Again, Fox ignored the little idiot and shot a small squad of fighters. But as the vulpine cleared the floating scrap yard, he heard a call for help that he could not refuse because he is the hero and heroes are supposed to help people. "Hey! Leave me alone!" Fox decided not to waste a bomb on saving Slippy and opted to just fire in the general area instead. Miraculously, he hit several fighters that weren't the overweight toad.

"Yeah, you heard him! Leave Brittany Toad alone!" Yep, Falco was there, too.

Fox passed through another gauntlet of enemy battleships, blowing off turret bubbles whenever he could. The Venom Army continued to display incompetence, though, meaning that Fox was safe from any harm. Except for when he was too sow at pulling up and glanced his Arwing off of one of the frigates. That hurt, but it wasn't major. "I'm hit, but it's not bad!" More face-slapping occurred at this.

Continuing forward, Fox found himself face-to-face with a giant monkey head. "AAAH! Old monkey faces!"

"Calm down, Fox, it's only Andross' personal emblem." For once, Falco was the voice of reason. Maybe he was drunk or something.

Fox blew another magic monkey up as Falco flew up vertically in front of him for no reason. The two faces parted, revealing themselves to be the bows of two ships. Ahead was a squadron of twelve fighters. Falco once again had advice. "Take 'em down with one shot!" In other words, "use bombs wisely." And Fox did, blowing up the whole group with a well-aimed Smart bomb.

The team had reached the last part of the enemy fleet. The large gathering of ships, both big and small, was a daunting sight, but Peppy provided encouragement. "You're becoming a better pilot." Emboldened by this brief and thin compliment, the squadron formed up to assault the rear flank of the enemy forces…from the front.

Shots were fired from both sided, but ultimately, Star Fox had plowed through the fleet. No enemy could stop them. Victory was theirs! Then Slippy had to ruin the moment. "Something's up ahead. Looks different." Indeed there was something up ahead. Fox decided now was the time to go all-out.

"All-range mode." The team set the wings of their fighters in a nearly ninety-degree angle with the main bodies. Individually of course—they don't share wings. Ahead, two large magic monkeys flew around the empty space, firing off shots from hand-held pistols every so often.

"Enemy shield analyzed." Slippy sent the data to the rest of the team, who set to work on the giant monkey-men. One was yellow, the other was blue. Fox took out the yellow one first, since he hated bright yellow. The blue one put up about as much resistance as the first, which wasn't much. Clearly, Andross should have reviewed his hiring policy better.

As the blue mech exploded, a new voice came up over the intercom. "Don't go to the potty just yet." As one last Venomian ship approached, carrying an enormous white mech, Slippy muttered something about it being too late. Nobody heard over the sound of the white mech launching off of the battleship. "It's time to try our new weapon."

And so, the final battle ensued. Whenever Fox scored a decisive hit, the magic mechanical thing would yell, "Cocky little freaks!" The battle was difficult until the boss had about half of his health left. The mech then landed on the carrier ship. "I'll take you out from the ship." Big mistake. While the monkey-man was occupied with shooting Slippy for the fun of it, Fox flew in and destroyed the giant from the rear.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" The shrill, terror-inducing scream deafened everyone as the mech and its accompanying ship exploded into little space particles that would never be found because nobody wanted to look for someone who said "cocky" every five seconds.

Once the ringing in his ears subsided, Fox muttered, "And so ends the evil magic monkeys."

Apparently, Fox had left the communications line open, because Peppy then said, "Fox, uh…those were robots with people inside of them."

Fox was filled with two emotions. The first was relief, for that meant that the magic monkey who had killed his Dad wasn't around. The second, which took dominance, was embarrassment at thinking that all of those mechs had been magical. Fox had to do something quick to cover his ass. "Uh…uh…We're headin' for Aquas. Report in." the team reported with various levels of enthusiasm. And with that, the team headed off towards the "y"-nebula ahead, which was the reason that the sector was named "Sector Y." Their target was nearby, the aptly-named water planet Aquas.

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"And that's how Star Fox saved Corneria again. Any questions?" A ferret raised her hand.

"Marcus, what's the point of 'All-range mode?'"

"Supposedly, a wider wing range provides a better turning radius, but it's probably so that the enemy can hit you more so you can look cool when you win." This was met with murmurs of approval by the youthful audience. 'Heh…suckers.'

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**"Did you really think I would cut Marcus out completely? Well guess what? TOO BAD! But he will only show up when something needs explaining at the end.**

**"So, Graystripe, remember my challenge. Respond if you accept. Otherwise, don't bother. You're just wasting your time and mine by reviewing about the same crap again.**

**"I would like to thank Concordat for making such awesome videos. Also, I do not own Star Wars, where some of the quotes and descriptions were from. See ya next time, people. Ciao chow."**


	4. The Aquas Story

**"Ah, what a beautiful day…boring. I suppose I owe a small apology to Graystripe. He or she tried to tell me that I had messed up in my uploading, but I misread it. So, I'm sorry Graystripe.**

**"Hm? 'Go to hell." Huh, well, isn't that nice. Let's break out the Flamer-Author thesaurus. Hmmmm…'go die,' 'go (bleep) yourself,' blah blah blah…Ah! 'Go to hell: I suck and fail and am worse than you are. I cannot match your skills and therefore can only take comfort in insulting you.' Congratulations, Gray. You just admitted your own suckishness and failure. Huh? 'Lar?' Great, now I've got to look that up, too. To Urban Dictionary!" Foxpilot goes to the typing room.**

**Foxpilot comes back five minutes later. "Okay, 'lar' is used several ways. I suppose you wanted to use it to inspire fear and call me 'lost and retarded.' But, seeing how obscure it is tells me that it's better used as a way to make people laugh. So, I laugh at you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, wait; it's also used by wannabe Singaporean people. So you want to be a failure of a Singaporean who mars all things from that country? I have a friend on this site who's from there and would probably be pretty annoyed by that. My apology stands, but you still fail. **

**"Well, that was fun. Now, I own no holdings over licensed content, including Star Fox and the weird song I'm using. Let it…Begin!"**

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Fox stood on the bridge as the _Great Fox_ cruiser approached Aquas. The planet, named for its expansive oceans, was usually a thriving home for many beings. Now, though, the skies were clear of all other flying machines. Only the Star Fox mothership was in orbit.

Fox was startled by the sound of the holo-communicator buzzing to life. The rest of the crew, excluding ROB, had gone off elsewhere in the ship, leaving him and the aging android alone to take Pepper's garbage. Fox turned around and crossed his arms. "Yes, sir?"

"Star Fox, I want you to take out the enemy bio-weapon!" What the hell was a bio-weapon doing on Aquas? Maybe that explained the lack of traffic.

"Yes sir! Deploy the _Blue-Marine_!" Pepper closed the channel, leaving Fox with a major unanswered question. "What the hell is a bio-weapon, anyway? A gun made from animal flesh?" Somewhere within earshot, a drum pounded several times before a cymbal crashed. Fox narrowed his eyes at the annoying cliché. He turned around to yell at ROB for making a racket, but the robot had gone off, probably to join the rest of Star Fox in whatever the hell they were doing. It was time to interrupt the little tea party.

Fox stormed down the hallways of the _Great Fox_, looking and listening for the rest of his crew. He found them in the crew lounge…having a tea party. There was a pink mat on the floor, dolls everywhere, and ROB was serving hot chamomile tea from an antique porcelain pot. The concoction was being put into small fine-china cups. But what really ruffled Fox's fur was the fact that Peppy, aged forty-one, was wearing a bright pink bra and pretending to be a fifteen-year old Corneria Valley girl.

Fox cracked his knuckles, drawing all eyes to him. It was a good thing that the _Blue-Marine_ only held one person. Fox closed the door behind him and smirked evilly. There wouldn't be any escape from _him_.

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The _Great Fox_ had landed belly-first in the waters of Aquas. Below, fish swam about carelessly. Suddenly, the submerged hangar of the cruiser exploded in a shower of bubbles. From the foam came a giant sardine can.

This was the _Blue-Marine_, the worst craft to hit Lylat in over 9000 years. Its pilot: a very angry Fox McCloud. "I'm gonna check out the bio-weapon."

Fish swam lazily around the ocean in front, blocking the view. The sound of the engines was drowned out by strange music which had begun to play. The lyrics travelled through the hull of the sardine sub.

_It was April the forty-first _

_Being a quadruple leap-year._

_ I was driving in downtown Atlantis._

_My barracuda was in the shop_

_ So I was in a rented stingray,_

_And it was overheating_

Fox turned off the radio, which wasn't receiving Cornarian music anyway. With the static gone, the song just came louder.

_So I pulled into a Shell Station_

_They said I'd blown a seal._

_I said, "Fix the dam thing,_

_And leave my private life out of it_

_Okay, pal?"_

Fox was speechless. Who the hell wrote this kind of crap?! Ahead was a savoir for his arteries: enemy organisms. Fox mashed his thumb on the trigger, causing the impossible to happen: the target caught fire underwater. Fox ignored this as he lined up his sights on the next target.

_While they were doing that,_

_I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar, a real dive._

_But I knew the owner;_

_He used to play for the Dolphins._

_I said, "Hi Gil!"_

_You have to yell, he's hard of herring._

Fox was becoming more annoyed by the second. A stupid song was coming from nowhere and the enemies just kept appearing. A seemingly-innocuous starfish detonated off the port side, causing the _Blue-Marine_'s shields to drop dramatically. Fox continued his voyage, blasting several clams as they opened up.

_Think I had a wet dream_

_Cruisin' through the gulf stream._

_Ooh ooh ooh_

_Wet dream_.

Oh no. Just no. That was the last straw. Using every ounce of his innate vulpine hearing, Fox tracked down the source. It came from…the air vents? Fox put the sub in "Park" and unscrewed the bolts holing the vent in place. Reaching a paw in, he found an odd lump that was loose. Pulling the item out of the dust and cobwebs, Fix discovered the item to be a one-song radio. As Fox searched for an off switch, he came across some tape. "Property of Slippy Toad, hands off," Fox read. Oh yeah, Slippy was going to get it when Fox returned to the _Great Fox_. In the mean time, Fox found the off-switch and turned the annoyance off. Finally, the only sounds in the sub were the blip of the radar, the hum of the engines, and the pilot's angry breathing. It was time to finish the bastards polluting the planet. Then Slippy would get his, infinite torpedoes or not.

For the moment, Fox would just continue the mission. Sitting back down and putting the _Blue-Marine_ in gear, Fox turned on the radio and said, "I'm sending the data to you guys."

On the _Great Fox_, Peppy used his good hand/paw thing to process the incoming data stream. Fox's merciless beating had all but eliminated the crew from action for a while. Though their leader had spared them broken bones, the bruises and lacerations would last for weeks.

Back in the ocean, Fox blew up some laser-shooting squids with a torpedo. Falco offered advice that Fox had figured out a long time ago. "Shoot a torpedo to help you see." Fox muttered at the uselessness of his wingmates and fired a torpedo just to keep the arrogant bird happy. The bird's beak was dented like a kicked can and there were gashes above his eye. And this was only his head.

"Looks like the pollution has started." Peppy's visible injuries consisted of a bent ear, chipped front teeth, and a very broken nose. ROB had managed to reset the cartilage appendage, but Peppy's face was still matted with blood.

"It's awful…" Slippy had fared best because he had promised to put Fox's coveted Hyper Lasers on the sardine can for the Aquas venture, then return them to the Arwing before they went on to the next area to liberate.

Destroying a clam and two odd, glowing shell enemies with a combination of lasers and torpedoes, Fox responded, "Shut up! Just shut up! You're all idiots! There's no pollution, I know that the torpedoes help me see, and of course it's awful, that's why we're here!" The rest of the crew mummed themselves at Fox's outburst.

Falco cut the channel and turned to Slippy. "I think he learned about you little "revenge" thing. You're so screwed, you know that, right?" Slippy's only response was to swallow audibly.

In the meantime, Fox had made his way through two giant fish and had come upon some ruins. Slippy's voice quavered with fear as he commented on the scenery. "Wow! Look at that! It's beautiful!" Fox, having calmed himself over the deaths of two large creatures, remained silent and focused instead on blowing up Slippy's new favorite tourist attraction.

Some missles attacked the sardine sub, only to meat firey death by Hyper Laser. Fox continued, destroying jellyfish, a giant angler fish, and columns left and right. It was at this point that Slippy decided to have the gall ask a stupid question. "How's the _Blue-Marine_?"

"You know those cans of spiced flies you like? It handles like one of those."

Peppy tried to hearten the toad from Fox's cold comment. "It's a good thing you prepared, Slip."

Falco was pleasant as usual. "This thing will never hold together." Fox nodded in agreement. Once the mission was complete, he was going to personally make sure the sardine can was melted down and remade as spare Arwing parts.

A wave of laser fire aimed directly at the sardine/bug can. Slippy decided to be annoying again and warned the superior pilot of the incoming threat. "Whoa! Watch out." If Fox was going to destroy him later, Slippy reasoned, he would get in as much annoyance as his last moments in Lylat would allow.

Peppy decided to inform Fox of the special ability of the slothful sub in the way only he could. "Do a barrel roll!" Fox did so, listening for once, and continued to blow crap up in physics-defying explosions.

Fox plowed through more fish, causing the ocean around him to turn green from sea-blood. Fox realized that he was polluting the planet more than the bio-weapon ever would.

Suddenly, Slippy's voice rang out _again_. "Look out behind you!" Fox rolled, deflecting fire from his hull while wondering what Slippy meant. Looking down at his radar, he noticed a large enemy coming up fast. Fox dove as low as he could, skimming the bottom of the Aquas ocean. Overhead, another angler fish swam by. Fox took the opportunity to unload more missiles and lasers into the ecosystem, destroying the large aquatic animal and a number of jellyfish. Slippy continued to annoy. "Keep shooting. We've got lots of torpedoes!"

"You're the best, Slippy!" Peppy seemed to agree with Slip's idea of annoying the vulpine pilot/helmsman…even though he was in the middle of a battle.

"Thanks, Peppy!" Fox's eye started twitching at how sappy and stupid his "teamies" were being. He decided that he would continue to beat them until morale improved. His morale, at least; theirs were expendable.

"This thing will never hold together." Okay, maybe Fox could spare Falco a few lumps.

Fox travelled through a long trench, blowing up starfish and rocks along the way. Peppy eventually came in and said one of the most over-used lines ever. "I've got a BAD feeling about this, Fox." Fox ignored him, preferring to try and blow the juice out of a trio of jellyfish connected by electricity. He failed, and was even more annoyed as Slippy came over the intercom again.

"Watch out, Fox!" No sooner had the toad's cry gone out than rocks pummeled the sardine can. Fox did everything he could, but the shields ended up critical by the time the onslaught had ended.

As damage klaxons blared, Fox pushed the can to its limit, blasting through enemies in a desperate attempt to reach the end of the horrible nightmare. Eventually, Fox managed to crush all of the enemies in his path. It was then that he noticed a giant presence on the radar. It could only mean one thing. "I found the bio-weapon."

The bio-weapon turned out to be a massive clam with strange tubes on its upper shell. The bizarre creature opened its shell, exposed its weak point, and slammed its impenetrable casing shut. The resulting rush of water pushed the _Blue-Marine_ back a bit, but caused no damage.

Though Fox would never admit it to his lackeys, he was frightened. His shields wouldn't last against a strong attack and this…thing looked rather difficult. Fox looked around the command console, hoping for inspiration. Torpedoes, lasers, Fara Phoenix bobble-head (from Peppy for his fifteenth birthday), stupid radar, annoying radio…

Aha! The radio of evil! Fox immediately swept the device up, rewound it, and loaded it into the launch tube for torpedoes. The last thing he thought before launching Slippy's offensive device was, '_I hope this is waterproof!_'

Switching the device on, Fox fired the noisemaker out into the ocean. The lyrics floated through the hull, but the clam seemed more afraid than Fox was disgusted. The giant oyster froze entirely, staring as the evil song-player slammed into its eye. The clam snapped its armor shut, which trapped the demonic song inside with it. Slowly, the clam's shell expanded, until it finally burst in a giant flash, much like the other bosses. As the light died down, Fox observed that the bio-weapon's eye was floating lifelessly up towards the surface. The vulpine grinned. Victory complete, he contacted his team.

"We're preparing to dock. Thanks Slip. Your evil radio came through." Toad's face paled at this. So Fox knew it was his…oh crap…

"It was Slippy's idea!" Peppy was quick to cover his ass, which irritated the doomed amphibian.

"Thanks a lot, Peppy!"

"I told you he'd find out." Falco was as insensitive as ever.

"Sheesh, Falco! You too?" Slippy was doing his best to be indignant and brave at the same time, but was failing on both fronts. Fox grinned as the radio went silent. When he got back to the _Great Fox_, Slippy's ass was totally going to get feet up it.

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"And that's the story of Aquas." Marcus bowed before the applause of his crowd. "Any questions?"

A stoat raised her hand. "Why is your Dad a psychopath?"

"You would be, too, if you had to live with Slippy for more than three days."

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**"Sorry it took so long to get out. I was having trouble convincing myself that the song was a good idea. Eventually, I realized it wasn't and just ended up with this result. Thanks for waiting. And to those who read and reviewed 'Andross Slayer,' thank you. It has my highest chapter-to-review ratio so far.**

**"The song was 'Wet Dream' by Kip Addotta. If you want the full version, look it up. But be warned, it is kind of an awkward song. More of a story really.**

**"Ciao chow, people. I don't know when the next chapter will be out, since things are getting busy, but it'll be less awkward than this one, I hope."**


	5. The Fortuna or Fichina Story

**"Well, it's been a while since I've updated, and I'm fresh off of a creative-writing assignment…which means it's time to update my most neglected story!" Cheers ring through the auditorium. "That's right! Just for you fans out there (and maybe myself, heh), I'm updating this fic with the next level of Star Fox 64!**

**"First, I would like to thank all of my great new reviewers. LxZrulez, thank you for being the first positive reviewer for this story. SF for the win, thank you for tipping the scales of positive-negative reviews more towards the positive side. And hawktakesflight, thank you for your serious and enthusiastic response. You all can have…a Zeram Cruiser! They're the Star Destroyer-style ships from Area 6. Go nuts, you know you want to. Anyway, today, I have the worst scum in Lylat for the review. Welcome Pigma Dengar!" The croud is so silent, it's as though the world went deaf.**

**Pigma walks out and ignores this little lack of response. "'Foxpilot does not own Star Fox. If he did, James would have survived for sure.' What's that supposed to mean?"**

**"It means that you're a sociopath who should never have been allowed to join Star Wolf. Mr. O'Donnell was right to kick you off, pig-bitch! Now get to your Wolfen so you can die!" Foxpilot punts the oversized bacon strip offstage. "Let it…Begin!"**

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The remaining team stood around the bed, two-thirds of which were concerned. Fox's little outburst at Slippy's helpful "revenge" had hospitalized the toad for some time. Fox, however, was unrepentant.

"I still say he deserved it. If he was going to pull something like that, he should have waited until after we kill Andross." Okay, _maybe_ Fox had a point. The annoying amphibian was sleeping from the painkillers ROB had overdosed him on. He wouldn't be waking up for some time.

Finally, Falco couldn't wait any longer. He started with a chuckle, which evolved into laughter, which ended up driving the avian to the floor, clutching his ribs in agony. When he calmed somewhat, Falco attempted speech. "I-I di-didn't know that…mmmph heheheh…that you could bend a foot that way…hahaha…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Lombardi once again degenerated into a laughing heap. Fox soon joined him, reveling in the still-fresh memory of Slippy's punishment. Peppy ignored them and went to the bridge. Laughing at a friend's misfortune was a youngun's game.

The hare arrived just in time to receive General Pepper's call. The dog looked like he'd been hitting the bong again. "Recover our base from the enemy army!" The aging hound's voice was strained, as though he had been kicked in THE soft spot all of twenty minutes ago. Indeed, the background seemed to be lying sideways.

"Roger, General." Peppy's heart leapt into his ears as Fox's voice came from behind him. As the army commander cut the transmission, Peppy turned on the vulpine.

"What's the big idea, Fox? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Easy, Pep. I was just on the way to tell you that Slippy's made a full recovery and will be joining us on the next mission." Peppy's skeptical "old man" look drove Fox to reveal the truth. "Okay, fine, he woke up and can move his hands and feet. Good enough."

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The icescape whizzed past below the four Arwings as they sped across the wasteland. Behind them, the _Great Fox_ was slowly making its way towards the base, just for the unlikely event that they would need to blow it up. You know, destroy the base to save the base.

The smaller fighters soon came upon the station. Split up and take it to 'em!" The four craft flew off in separate directions, each pilot going after a different enemy. Well, except for one Arwing, which flew in a lazy circle around the base. Clearly, the pilot was still half-asleep.

Fox totaled one craft before setting his sights on a stationary, spinning object. 'This must be one of the cake-makers!' Of course, if all of the cake-producing facilities were destroyed, then the base would be abandoned faster than you could say "Hajime Wakai." Fox destroyed it, but was instantly reprimanded by Peppy.

"What's the big idea, Fox? If you destroy those, nobody'll want to be in the base!"

"Exactly. How better to clear the base out than to get rid of the most desirable thing on the planet. Trust me, Peppy. This hurts me more than it hurts them." As Fox said this, he blew apart two more fighters and another cake-maker.

"I got one!" Slippy sounded like he was high. This wouldn't have been unusual, except that his voice was also laden with tiredness from painkillers. But if Slippy could destroy an enemy while half-intoxicated by medicine, then these guys must suck. Emboldened, the sober three-quarters of the team resumed blowing the crap out of enemy.

Soon, Fox had reached a full fifteen kills. As he lined up his soon-to-be-sixteenth murder, Slippy decided to grace the airwaves over the planet with his voice. "Why are ships coming out of the base?" Apparently painkillers did the impossible: they made Slippy useful. Pulling a u-turn, Fox saw that enemies were indeed fleeing the base. The tactic to destroy all cake in the base was working!

"A bomb has been planted at the base." Finally, the _Great Fox_ had arrived. And just in time for ROB to use his super-awesome, robot-exclusive x-ray vision to see the enemies plant a WMD somewhere in the "important" base.

"Geez! Can anyone take care of it?" Fox expected Slippy to jump at the chance to mess with a giant weapon, but was shocked when he heard a self-important, high-and-mighty, hoity-toity voice respond instead.

"Can't let you do that, Star Fag!" And the fangirls screamed as the greatest music ever started playing. Fox looked around to find the source and saw it entering from the sun's position in the sky.

"Andross has ordered us to take you down." Great, two accounted for.

"Peppy! Long time no see! We're gettin' paid a lot of cash for this." Ugh, three little piggies just oozing with personality.

"Andross' enemy is my enemy." And whiney, Slippy-counterpart bitch makes four on the floor…or in the sky…or something.

"Just what I need to see. Fart Wolf. Let's take care of these guys, first!" Clearly, Fox was not impressed with the newcomers. Peppy's advice of having Slippy defuse the bomb was drowned out by Wolf's indignant reply.

"Star Wolf! STAR Wolf! We are gentlemen here and we do NOT pass gas! Besides, such a name could be said towards--!" Wolf was cut off as a massively loud sound, not unlike a primitive engine failing, filled the sky. Everything stopped and looked at Pigma, who grinned.

"That was a good one, huh?" Pigma was so absorbed in his little delusions of grandeur that he didn't notice the funes enter the engine of his Wolfen until the propulsion system exploded. "My be-you-tea-full reward! Aaarrrggghhh!" And with that, Pigma crashed and burned, ending the reign of idiocy that came with the Dengar name. For now, at least.

"I call the kill!" There were mutters and curses from Peppy and Falco, who had wanted to do something important for once. As Fox smirked self-importantly, The battle resumed. Wolf also corrected his statement.

"Fine, we're all gentlemen except for Pigma, but he's gone now, so I can now say we're all gentlemen. Oh, and you'll be seeing your Dad soon Fox! You're not so tough!" Wolf fired on Fox's Arwing, which was lined up perfectly in his sights. After taking a hit, Fox rolled and pulled into a loop. This confused the fangirls' favorite lupine. "What the heck?!"

Fox laughed maniacally as he poured laser fire into Wolf's barrel roll-devoid hull. "You SUCK, Wolf! It's called a loop!"

"Try a somersault!"

"Not now, Peppy. I'm gloating." Fox looked up from his comm. screen only to find that Wolf had disappeared from his line of sight. A quick check of the radar showed that Wolf had pulled a u-turn and was now coming back to line Fox up. "Heh, chump." 

Fox waited five seconds before pulling another loop. He was rewarded by another "What the heck?!" He took advantage of Wolf's confusion to shoot the one-eyed weirdo down. "I…can't…lose!" Fox chortled insanely as his rival's fighter went down in flames before impacting on the ground and exploding.

"Shoot! He's right behind me!" Yep, Falco needed help. Time to save the least-grateful avian in the system. Fox swooped behind Leon, who was firing at Falco and failing miserably to hit. After pumping a number of shots into Powalski's shields, the gecko--.

"Chameleon!" Excuse me, the _chameleon _pulled a u-turn. Fox followed suit, guessing at the maneuver more than anything, and finished off the Wolfen. "This can't be happening!" Leon met the same fate as his allies, colliding with the snowy soil with a fiery explosion.

"There's one more to go! Fox quickly slipped in behind Slippy, who was barely making an effort to dodge the fire from Andrew Oikonny's fighter. Not that he needed to worry; Oikonny was almost as bad as Slippy.

"I'm not afraid of YOU!" The ape's taunt was quickly rebuked by Hyper lasers to the engine. Andy pulled a u-turn (an awful lot of those recently, huh?), which Fox followed, figuring that this was the pattern that Fart Wolf had planned.

"It's STAR Wolf, asshole! Oh, and Uncle Andross!" Oikonny was so distracted he didn't have time to pull up before he hit the base, which was now smoking from the bomb's detonation preparations.

"I'll take care of the bomb now." Fox flew into the hangar of the base, ignoring Peppy's advice to let Slippy handle it. Inside, he saw the bomb taped to the wall, which was odd since it was as big as the reactor core for the _Great Fox_. The vulpine looked around frantically, hoping to find an off switch. As the time reached one-minute, the pilot began to panic. Fifty…forty-five…forty…Fox was desperate. In a last-ditch effort to stop the bomb from going off, he fired at it. And fired. And fired a little more for good measure. To his surprise, the bomb exploded, but not enough to take out the base. There was a hole in the wall, sure, and somebody's posters were fluttering around, but the bomb had essentially been defused.

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"And that's why my Dad knew to blow up the mines in Sector X and Area 6." The small audience clapped as Marcus stepped down from the top of the slide. "As usual, I'll take questions. You!" The blue-furred vulpine pointed to a wombat with a black stripe across its snout.

"Yeah, why did you call it 'Fortuna' when that planet's all forest? Isn't Fichina the snowy planet?"

"Yes, but that was before the forest Fortuna was opened to the public. Back then, people were fortunate to go to the snowy wonderland that was 'Fortuna.' Hence the name. Later, the name changed to 'Fichina' because of the itchy warm clothes you had to wear when you went outside. When forest Fortuna was opened, it was named as such because you would be lucky to get a vacation there." The children's surprised reactions to Marcus' "logic" filled the young vulpine's head. How great it was to be superior.

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**"The bomb thing is how I figure Fox 'defuses' the bomb. How else could he stop it before it exploded, even with only milliseconds on the clock? Also, in the 'failed mission' scene, you clearly see the _Great Fox_ flying in the atmosphere as the Arwings escape.**

**"We also see that Marcus has inherited his Mom's telepathy for the first time. I'm a supporter of that, but I don't like it when somebody takes it too far. Such as making him capable of ruining someone's head. The same goes for Krystal/Kursed.**

**"From now on, I'll be telling you the next level. Next up: Katina. Ciao chow, all!"**


	6. The Katina Story

**"I really have no excuse. Of course, I only believe in reasons, so 'excuse' is barely in my vocabulary. I've been working on other fics and stuff like that, so I've just neglected two of my main stories. For those of you following along, this is one of them.**

**"But I'm finally getting back to this, if only because I want to move on. Now, this level is Katina, a short, easy fight to get me back into the swing of things. It probably won't be funny since there aren't a lot of snappy lines and whatnot, but I'll still do what I can, okay?**

**"Also, thanks to Skullfox for their kind reviews. Thank you Skullfox, and please do keep reading."**

**"Here to disclaim is Krystal. I don't know which one, since the Foxes from all three of her games weren't willing to let her go. But I think it's the Assault version. Let's give her a nice welcome!" Half of the auditorium starts clapping, while the other half boos once Krystal steps out.**

**"Foxpilot does not own Star Fox or any other licensed content in this fiction. If he did own Star Fox, the upcoming game for the 3DS wouldn't be a remake of Star Fox 64, which was a remake of Star Fox for the SNES…I don't get that."**

**"Well, it was before your time, really. But yeah, I've thought that they would have to remake SF64 in order to revive the series, but that would make it the third time they made the original. _They won't do that_, I thought. Well, they did. And I'm going to buy it, naturally. But that's next year. For now, the chapter. Let it…Begin!"**

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"Slippy! Where are you? It's time to take your medicine!" Fox wandered the halls of the _Great Fox_, syringe in hand. After Toad's performance over Fortuna—or Fichina—it was clear that Slippy was best when he was half-asleep.

As such, McCloud was hunting for the green booger-ball and looking to inject him with a long-term sedative that he had found in the Fortuna base. It appeared that they didn't just make cakes on the ice planet.

As our vulpine friend wandered past the sleeping areas, his sensitive fox ears picked up on a whining sound coming from the laundry chute outside of Falco's room. Smirking from one ear to the other, Fox padded over to the chute and slid the door open. Indeed, Slippy Toad had wedged himself into the shaft and was stuck, eyes watering from fear. Fox's devilish grin didn't help the situation. As soon as Slippy looked up, he started bawling and begging to be spared from the "horrible sleepy state."

Fox managed to get Slippy's head still enough that he could poke Toad in the head and get the serum into his bloodstream. As McCloud prepared to slam the syringe into Slip's skull, the intercom came alive.

"Fox! Slippy! General Pepper has our latest assignment! Get to the bridge!" Fox sighed as Peppy cut the coms link. Slippy's enhancements would have to wait.

"Slip, you heard Peppy. Meet us on the bridge as soon as you can." When Slippy opened his big yap to protest his situation, Fox brought a foot down on his head. The force that Fox applied broke Slippy free of the laundry tube, aided by the toad's incessant crying. Slippy plummeted two floors down to the laundry room, landing in a fortunately-placed cart of bedspreads.

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"Katina is battling the enemy! Will you help 'em out?" This time, Pepper had some strange powder on his nose. Peppy managed to silence Falco by saying it was sugar, but both the bird and the recently-arrived vulpine knew better. They were adults, after all. Fox did his best to avoid looking at the spot when he responded.

"Affirmative, General." Pepper sniffed loudly and closed the channel, leaving the team to prepare for action. Below, they could see the explosions as Katina's main force held Andross' fleet at bay. Fox knew that the only way to save Katina was to lure the flagship away and destroy it. The main base of Katina was under attack, so it made a perfect place to show up as a lure.

Fox voiced this plan to the others. Peppy agreed wholeheartedly, while Falco looked enthusiastic at blowing things up. Slippy had yet to show himself.

"Then it's settled, we'll do that!" Fox led the charge out towards the Arwings, only to slam into a green booger-ball. Fox tripped, taking Slippy with him. Falco and Peppy, who had managed to stop short, began laughing their faces off. Fox growled; there would be hell to pay later. For now, he had to act quickly.

Taking the syringe from his pocket, where it had been threatening to stick through the material and into his fur, Fox swiftly grabbed Toad's head and stuck the needle into a vein. The booger-ball's pupils dilated, then widened, showing that his body had received the serum. Fox lifted Slippy and started helping him to the Arwings as Peppy and Falco chortled harder than before. Apparently they liked the idea of Slippy in pain. Fox would see to their entertainment later. For now, it was killin' time!

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The fighters buzzed the base and harassed the defending forces, the Bulldog and Husky units. The combat was fierce,: fighters chased each other, occasionally scoring a hit on their target. Of course, none of them had the skill to actually bring anyone else down.

In one fighter, slightly larger than the rest, the pilot received an alert, showing four fighters and a large cruiser heading for the base. The radar showed them as friendly fighters, prompting the machine's operator to allow his sinking hopes to lift. Bill Grey, leader of the defending forces, cracked a relieved grin. "Hang on guys. Help is on the way!" He was rewarded with one of his allies finally vaping the enemy behind him. "Thanks Jankos! Tonight's round is on me."

"I was hoping you'd say that, muttered Jankos, keeping his voice low enough to not be picked up over the noise of the battle.

Suddenly, a loud cry came over the communications radios. "Leroooooooooy…Jenkins!" The face on the HUD was familiar to Bill, but it took him a moment to place it.

"James! You made it!" The face on the screen flashed from maniacal to sad to angry.

As he shot down an enemy fighter, which was essentially a green diamond with two tail fins jutting from the back, Fox became livid. "Bill? Is that you? I can't believe it!"

Bill read the tone in Fox's voice and realized that James McCloud was never prone to such angry outbursts. He tried to correct his mistake. "We can catch up later, Fox." But the youngest McCloud wouldn't have it.

Shooting down another enemy that was tailing a generic Cornerian fighter, Fox responded hotly. "Nice try, Bill. But I meant that I can't believe you thought I was my father!" Two more unlucky foes fell to the blue Hyper Lasers. Clearly Fox wasn't in the mood to reason.

Fortunately for Bill, the sleepy Slippy cut in at this point. "Hard to tell the good guys from the bad!" The annoying, lackluster voice cut off Fox's thoughts and replaced them with new notions. It wasn't hard to tell them apart: once you got behind an enemy, you could see that the little diamonds didn't let off a thrust signature. The Cornerian fighters, like the Arwings, gave off pink thrust in the atmosphere of Katina. This fundamental difference would allow Fox to tell the enemy ships from allies. But he wouldn't share this fact. He wanted all of the kills to himself!

About ten seconds passed and Fox took out another four foes, bringing his total to seven. Falco, being the annoying, bitchy bird he is, decided to complain. "Man, there's just no end to these guys!" Fox was surprised.

"I'd think you'd like it that way, Falco. More people to kill you, so more people to kill." Falco didn't flinch.

"I wasn't complaining, I was celebrating! There's no end to the fun around here. I should've been born on Katina!"

"What's wrong with Zoness?" Fox was now curious. After all, a planet made up of primarily ocean-side resorts was his idea of a fun place.

"Too many wimpy rich people. They can't take a joke!" Fox listened intently as he brought down another enemy. "One time, I went and decided to blow a hole in one of their fancy glass doors for the hell of it. They went and called the cops! So what if there was glass everywhere? The idiots could have vacuumed it up!" Fox stopped listening at this point. Hopefully they wouldn't have to liberate Zoness, or else the police would be all over them for harboring a fugitive.

Another two enemies fell to Fox's fire, now filled more with annoyance than with anger. Falco wouldn't shut up about his childhood, talking about some girl in a gang that he'd had a crush on. Fox stopped caring about what the voices were saying until they changed to a more drawn-out tone. "Enemy mothership approaching."

Fox looked at his radar, which was mostly a collection of white dots flying around pointlessly. He noticed on the edge that there was a large, circular object sliding over the screen towards the base. Following the radar's directions, Fox whipped his head around. Sure enough, Bill, the voice that had finally shut Falco up, was right—a giant flying saucer was approaching, sending off signals indicating to all forces in the vicinity that it was the flagship for Andross' Katina-invasion fleet.

Rather than meet it head on and determine a weakness, Fox decided to kill off as many enemies as he could before it was close to the base. After all, what could it do? Launch infinite fighters? Have an enormous proton beam cannon with the power to blast a new crater in Katina with one shot? Ha! It was only good for commanding things, nothing more!

Fox managed to blow up another seven enemies before the mothership, the _A.S.S. Spinnything_, made it over the base. Yeah, this wouldn't be any trouble. And Andross didn't have the foresight to not name his cruisers with the description, "Andross' Star Ship." Fool didn't even realize that "starship" was one word.

As Slippy mechanically began scanning the enemy for weaknesses, the _Spinnything_ opened up. From four rectangular holes reminiscent of giant flat-screen televisions, fighters came pouring out. Fox smirked. Launching your whole compliment of fighters was foolish at best, especially with a psychopathic, vengeful person flying the most advanced starfighter in the galaxy. It was Bill that made the useless suggestion. "Go for the 4 hatches on the underside!" Fox wondered why the number had popped up instead of the word.

Regardless, Fox made for the hatches, shoving a bomb up one of the doorways just as it closed. The explosive fulfilled its one purpose, detonating and disabling the launch portal from service. Fox got a Hit plus-five. Fox cheered: the hatches were worth more than dinky fighters!

But when the doors closed, they were enveloped in the mothership's shield, making them immune to smaller weapons. So Fox went hunting for more enemies. Noticing that they tended to fly in formation, Fox decided to use his charge shot for kill bonuses. He launched a shot at a group of three, destroying them all and earning extra kills.

Fox's celebration was cut short as he was rammed from the side. Instinct kicked in and he rolled out of the way while turning his head to see what had hit him. Instead of the expected diamond shape, Fox noticed that it was actually more of a triangle with flight stabilizers similar to the Arwing's. A Cornerian fighter. The unlucky—or unskilled—pilot was yelling over the radio. "Dada Billy! Fox hitted me!"

Fox was flabbergasted for several things in that sentence, but his biggest surprise was Bill's response. "Fox, that's one of ours! Try shooting the bad guys, Fox!" The only response Fox could muster was a surprised yell as another fighter, this time a Venomian craft,, rammed him on the same side. "The hatches are open!"

Fox grumbled as he turned around and aimed at the hatches. He managed to eliminate two before getting slammed again by another fighter. This time it was Peppy. "Watch where you're flying!" Fox had to do everything in his power to not yell at his mentor.

The fight dragged on for another minute, with fighters—mostly enemies—being downed by the squadron. Eventually, Bill came back on the airwaves. "The hatches are open." By this point, Fox had become enraged at the number of idiot enemies that were in his was. And were slamming into him. They would all suffer!

Fox pulled a U-turn and made for the remaining hatch. Readying a bomb, Fox hovered his finger over the trigger and prepared to fire. The last fighter exited the _Spinnything_'s hangar, giving Fox a clear shot at finishing the mothership. The resulting explosions scattered the precious Rave Stones—er, the unfortunate hatch across the landscape

But Bill had to ruin things by warning everyone of imminent danger. "There's some sort of energy reaction! The core has appeared! Stand by to attack!'

"Stand by?" Fox's laugh nearly deafened everyone listening. "Screw that! I'm gonna kill the thing!" True to his word, the heroic—and possibly sadistic—vulpine whirled around and opened fire on the core. He was so into his run that he didn't notice the Cornerian fighter heading stupidly his way until it slammed into his wing.

Jolted and hurt in his sensitive ears by the collision, Fox merely swore at Bill when he warned Fox to "Try shooting the bad guys." Bill appeared hurt. "Hey! See if I help you again!" McCloud continued his illuminating grumbles until he realized that his lasers were bright green.

A moment, then two, then ten passed. Time seemed to slow down; even the countdown nobody had mentioned before seemed to stop, knowing that Hell had come to Katina. The world seemed to crash into itself as Fox let out an uncharacteristic roar. "You BASTARDS! You blew it up! Damn you all to Heeeeeellllll!" Everything that could keep up with an Arwing fled immediately, leaving only an angry vulpine and the _Spinnything_.

With everyone else gone, Fox turned his single-lasered rage on the core of the mothership. The countdown cancelled itself as all energy was shunted into escape procedures. But it wasn't enough. The anger-focused fox aimed directly for the core, pulling the trigger at an astonishing speed. Before ten seconds had elapsed, the _Spinnything_ had begun to erupt into flame, its core disintegrated. Slowly, like a handkerchief tossed horizontally, the mothership fell to the ground, coming to rest on the base before exploding. The base was miraculously undamaged.

In the air, the remaining fighters from the Husky and Bulldog units rallied in an escort formation behind Star Fox. Bill was sheepish as he contacted the team. "Take care Fox."

Fox had managed to become aware of the universe again. Though tired, he managed one last line before the squadrons parted ways. "You, too….Bill. You owe me one."

Bill was silent as the Katina defenders dived back towards the liberated planet. Meanwhile, Fox and company left for the stars and the _Great Fox_.

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"You're dad's a nutjob, huh?" The lippy wombat from the previous tale was looking at Marcus suspiciously. The blue fox only grinned.

"Yep, but he's on some sort of medication now." They didn't need to know that the medicine was actually for arthritis in his fingers.

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**And, finis. Well, that was longer than anticipated. But I suppose it's alright. Some of the jokes are made for people in the know, but one thing I'd like to address is the wing thing, which is also a bad rhyme.**

**How many of you out there have lost a wing because the enemies on this level are stupider than Slippy? I have, several times. Seriously, Slippy's actually better than even the good guys! That says something. In short, Katina fliers suck and Slippy is better than the Cornerian Army. Which explains how they fell to Andross in the first place.**

**Also, I figured that with all the times Fox pulled the trigger, he'd have arthritis by now.**

**Ciao chow, all, and I'll see you again eventually.**


End file.
